I start things a lot and don’t finish them. Right now I have a tiling project, three sewing projects, a guitar, a painting project and about a million stories and poems and essays lying around, waiting to be finished. My room is disorganized even though I like to believe that one day I’ll learn to put everything away after I use it.

I keep showing up to run. Consistently. Even when I don’t feel like it, even when I’m really tired or feeling sick, I show up to run. And I enjoy it, no matter how much of the course I have to walk, I love every second of it.

I realized this: I don’t care how I perform when I run, I just go and enjoy the moment of it. With running, I have no expectations. But with everything else that I do—teaching or writing or even the things I do for pure fun, like dancing—I constantly judge where I am with it and apply such a force of pressure to succeed that I’m surprised that I haven’t suffocated yet.

Finally running

TODAY! I finally ran 5 miles, easily. Ran the whole thing, hills and all. I feel accomplished.

Welcome to my world!

I sat next to one of my cousins at Christmas dinner last year. We hardly see each other except at holidays (that’s what they’re for, right?) and I only vaguely know what he’s up to, but he’s always up to something good. This past year for him, it was triathlons. We started talking about them—I’ve always wanted to do one, but haven’t because I’ve been struggling with chronic illness due to a series of tickborne infections (Lyme, Bartonella, Babesia, Errhlichea, if you really want to know) which I’ll refer to as Lyme, Ect. going forward. Training was never an option, I was so tired all the time. I was an athlete, I am athletic but Lyme, Ect. had me on my ass.

This past year has been incredible. I have ventured way out of traditional American medicine and into a variety of alternative care and have made leaps and bounds in health gains. So when my cousin suggested that I do a sprint triathlon with him in May, I said sure, with more desire than conviction that I could train that consistently again.

I went on my first run this week. It was excruciating. I am humbled. I live in a really hilly area and set out on a 2.5 mile loop around my house. I barely made it up the first hill. I walked more than ran. My breath grated. My quads shook. It wasn’t fun but I felt fantastic after I finished.

I took a nap (really?! I’m so out of shape that I need a nap after 2.5 miles?).
I went out again two days later. And again, two days after that. It’s painful but so rewarding to see the little increments of progress and I feel so good when I’m done.

I am really loving this and I’ve decided to start blogging about training with a chronic illness and about all the alternative health care that I use to stay well. Expect to read personal updates, rants and raves about training, interviews with health practitioners whom I hold in high regard and tips to staying injury-free while training.